Make Informed Parenting Decisions
“My mom didn’t breastfeed me, and I turned out fine.”
“I never practiced skin-to-skin contact with my kids...and they survived.”
“I was spanked daily when I was little, and I probably deserved it.”
“My parents fought in front of me all the time. I survived and so will my kids.”
Is survival really our end goal?
I often hear phrases like this, and have probably said some similar things. But now that I am a parent, I am hell bent on making sure that I am making the most informed parenting decisions possible.
The parenting advice from my mom, dad, sister, mother-in-law, and all of my family members (I have a BIG family.) is very important to me. They are the ones I always go to for advice. BUT, they are not the only source of my information. I make decisions based on the advice of loved ones, my own research, my doctor and pediatrician’s recommendations, and, most importantly, my own instincts.
If I only listened to my family, I would have stopped breastfeeding at three months. If I only listened to my family, my daughter would have napped every day in her crib, rather than snuggly on my chest while I read or worked. I would have missed out on so many bonding opportunities with my daughter if I did not follow my heart AND read all the research on baby development that I could get.
We have new research now, A LOT of new research, on all the ways that we can best support our children. Why not use it? Parents should be encouraged to take all the information they have access to, assess it, and then do what is safest and best for their family.
Just because you were swatted all the time as a child, doesn’t mean you should employ the same disciplinary tactics on your children. And just because your daily schedule as a kid was packed with softball practice, piano recitals, basketball camp, and girl scouts, doesn’t mean that you need to keep your kid so overwhelmingly busy.
We have a tendency to resort to what feels familiar. Have you ever shouted something at your kids and then stopped in stunned silence because of how familiar your words sounded? For example, I recently started singing “you can’t always get what you want” to my daughter. (Thanks, Dad!)
It takes some serious self awareness and mindfulness to practice what we think is best, and not to do what comes most naturally based on our own childhood experiences.
Read the books, browse academic journals online, watch what works and doesn’t work for others, consider the advice of loved ones, and parent in the way that reflects your own best judgement based on a combination of all these things.
